What does it mean to gain the whole world and lose your soul? A while ago I wrote an answer to this question, a very personal one so forgive me for not sharing, it came out of me from an instance far too intricate to explain. But today, reader, I present to you instead a pathway to that very answer. Not because you are not worthy of having the same answer I did but to highlight your individualism as we spoke about last month. I want you to get there on your own, devise your own mind-altering journey to every answer you’ve craved. More importantly, I want to discuss with you the idea of ‘accumulation’. A word that has been on my mind and within our innate drives since the beginning of time. As always, let’s deep dive.
In prayer one night as I was going to bed, the Spirit put a delightful new mantra into my mouth: ‘I am fearfully and wonderfully made. There is nothing in me that shouldn’t be there. And nothing outside of me that should.’ I was blown away by the truth of it and after concluding my prayer I quickly scribbled it down onto a post-it. However, be surprised to know that this declaration didn’t necessarily inspire this month’s post, but it has anchored it.
Since the beginning of time, we have always wanted more. We had one tree yet we saw another. We had one spouse yet, we saw another. We had one plate of food, yet we saw another. There is always ‘another’ out there but to what end will you keep your eyes onto what isn’t yours? A famous allegory by Russian writer Leo Tolstoy cleverly scribes this want for ‘things’, as he speaks rather prophetically through a horse:
‘…men are guided in life not by deeds but by words. They like not so much to do or abstain from doing anything, as to be able to apply conventional words to different objects. Such words, considered very important among them, are my and mine, which they apply to various things, creatures or objects: even to land, people, and horses. They have agreed that of any given thing only one person may use the word *mine*, and he who in this game of theirs may use that conventional word about the greatest number of things is considered the happiest.’
That last line will always strike me because it is devastatingly true. Why do we mistake joy for experience? Or wealth by materials? Because as humans it is in our nature to have, obtain, acquire. Yes, we have been given dominion, we have been given kin, we have been given currency, but are you measuring yourself and your life’s successes by such things? I feel as though all we do nowadays is lead ourselves by what we have rather than who we are/who we can become. God spoke it loud and true to me that night… all that you need is within you. Think of yourself as an action-figure: You have built-in resources and so you should lead your life with the things in the pack in which you came. Don’t peep at another’s box and think their accessories are shinier, their accessories are to help them. You may not be able to carry it as well. Keep consulting your box for the instructions, for the warnings, for the how-to-use. Again, everything you need is within you.
I often think of how we will never actually be fully satisfied. Because satisfaction often means rest and none of us know how to do that very well. Though satisfaction is different from contentment. I am not a historian but I would like to take you on a trip through time to better exercise my point.
In the past, before achieving huge breakthroughs in medicine, we were considerably poor in physical health. We were understandably preoccupied with bodies not physically dying and withering away then we were with our minds. Then we improved on the physical and began to realise how our mental had been declining. Today, with unprecedented advancements and documentation of it all we are only now moving onto the decline of the environments around us, which we induced due to our incessant greed. Do you see the pattern here, reader? A lot of the time, it is a (false) idea of deficiency that leads us to want for more. I might believe I’m not attractive enough so I will instead hide behind clothes or cosmetics and therefore work myself to the bone to have all the best to look the best. Gen Z is supposed to be this liberal, care-free and hypervigilant new gen yet we are still the most insecure, troubled and distracted group. Yielded from a time of #MeToo, Black Lives Matter and Love is Love, we have had the privilege of looking history and all its torments in the eye and telling it we’re done and yet we look in the mirror and still don’t know who we see? How can we be told constantly who we are but never feel like who we are? Because it is all vanity.
Accumulation will stop you from appreciating the life that is in you and have you chasing lifestyles instead. I’ll tell you how.
I’m someone who isn’t afraid to stand out. In fact I am called to do it by God. But I make it a habit now to intentionally protect my peace. Something as precious as reading has now been the latest thing to hit the accumulation train. I’m not an avid reader (shocker as a literature student, I know. Don’t tell my professors!) but when I do get the opportunity, I would much rather spend it reading something I know I will truly love as opposed to reading a piece that is splashed all over book stores, social media spaces or elitist circles. Why? Once again, not because I am better than these people but because in doing so I know I am adding to my individual life in curating my own personal tastes and not consuming mindlessly to be a part of a fleeting craze. I don’t have to belong everywhere. I want to take my time to read. I want to read edifying pieces. Not pieces that regurgitate all that is bustling in the media-saturated air around me. I want to find me, and not somebody else in the things I choose to insert into my mind, body and soul. People now fly through books just to feel something. They expand wardrobes; fatten flesh; inject their skin; gratify their eyes all to say they were ‘the happiest’. And they can surely take the title but only for a little while. You do not know how much of you will be found in solitude. Or hunger. Or modesty. I do not like who we become when we grow beyond our means. You were not meant to be so tall. I promise you, the trees still won’t pay you any mind up there.
I am imploring you to keep your selection small. Fix yourself what you can manage and what you know will last. The richest people on earth are those that do limit their world and therefore make it easier to conquer.
All my love, Sarah J.